Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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