Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
