I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
