how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
