for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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