it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
