she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
