Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
