omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
