You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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