please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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