Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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