Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I need to stop coming to work sober
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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