i need an iv and a liver transplant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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