I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
