What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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