I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
