He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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