Kiss
Puke
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
