i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
