she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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