also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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