Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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