new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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