So drunk its hurt
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
