OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
