I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
