The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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