listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
