Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
