How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
