In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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