This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
