I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
