You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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