he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
