i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
