if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
