Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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