saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
