It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
