When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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