You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
