420 ftw
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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