All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
