why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize