he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
