Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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