So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
