Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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