If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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