I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
