lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
someone owes me an orgasm
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
