i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
