I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
