I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
