Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
