The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize