Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
