its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
