everyone is single if you try hard enough
Quick, to the slutcave!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
