the condom got lost in my hair
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
