y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
