it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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